The following excerpts are from a John Gray book called Venus on fire, Mars on ice. Like his previous book this one focuses on the differences between men and women and how understanding these can improve our relationships. This time, though, he explains where these differences come from and how hormones play a big role. So, why oxytocin is such a big deal for us women and also can it help unlock fertility?
Testosterone and oxytocin
These are two hormones that both men and women have but..! Testosterone is the one that helps men reduce stress while oxytocin does that for women. Testosterone is replenished in men when they solve problems, achieve goals and while they rest alone in their man cave. Oxytocin increases in women when they plan ahead, take care of others and themselves, communicate and express their feelings.
Traditionally, this worked well. Nowadays, not so much. John Gray explains why:
“There are more and more women in testosterone-stimulating jobs. Such women will be drawn to the cave, just as their men are. Testosterone-stimulating jobs inevitably deplete this hormone for women just as they would for men, and some form of cave time is required for replenishment.” … “After a very testosterone-oriented day, a woman needs more than to rebuild her testosterone levels, though. She also needs to boost her oxytocin levels. Testosterone- rebuilding may get her ready for the next day, but she will continue to be stressed until she’s made sufficient oxytocin.“
Stress, oxytocin and fertility
“Unreleased stress not only prevents her from getting in touch with her positive feelings, it interferes with her health as well. I have repeatedly observed women having fertility issues because they aren’t effectively coping with the stress of their testosterone- stimulating jobs. These women often cope with the stress of work by being alone for a time or through solitary exercise, but these won’t help her transition back to her female side. She needs oxytocin.
Many women have restored their fertility by increasing their access to oxytocin-stimulating behaviours, therapies, and foods.”
Yoga and massage increase oxytocin
Both yoga and massage nurture and destress. I have written before on the effects of Thai yoga massage on oxytocin. And here you can see the results from a 2013 study which showed that adding yoga to schizophrenia treatment improved social-occupational functioning and the ability to recognise facial emotions. The improved social awareness was associated with increased blood levels of oxytocin.
Put the oxygen mask on yourself first
The hard part is that just the thought of taking time for herself feel overwhelming for some women. It’s feels either like just another item on the long list of tasks or like a luxury activity that can be dropped to make space for something more urgent.
Taking care of ourselves should come first. Like putting the oxygen masks on ourselves before helping others on the plane. Stress eats at our resources and leads to burn out, depletes our creativity and fertility. It messes up with our hormones and in the long run can prevent us from having the life we want.
If you are interested to explore the benefits of fertility yoga, I work 1-2-1 to offer you classes tailored to your specific needs, menstrual cycle, level of fitness and stage in life. Learn more >>
Both Thai yoga massage and Thai foot massage help with stress relief and have many other wonderful effects on the body and the mind.
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Bodies in emergency: how does stress affect your fertility
Photo by Madison Oren on Unsplash
